Well... I'm back.  Two years, thousands of miles, a whirlwind relationship, and a graduation are between me and my last trip to Cornerstone.  It's good to be back.  I think this Cornerstone has taught me a lot about myself.  I sure am an impatient, peculiar person.

     While I'm now in Illinois, I have moved into a new home.  It's scary to think that someday I'll be sharing that home with a wife.  Isn't that a scary thought?  God has truly been testing me lately, preparing me for looking out for someone else, or at least putting up with someone else all the time.  It's a tough reality to face that you are not the greatest person to be around all the time.  I like my new home, which sits above the Chattahoochee River.  I have one foot in the banal conformity of the suburbs and the other still in the dangerous lights of the city.It's deeply wooded, dark, mysterious, and alive with nature. Not exactly what you'd expect with downtown Atlanta at your back door.

      Anyhow, we're now down to five months of spending life on my own, so like college before I graduated, I'm going to get everything out of the single life that I can.  This has been a very good era of life, but sure enough, another is coming down the pike.  These days they are a changin' and that's the way it ought to be.  Somehow, this all seems very self-indulgent, what's the next step to take so that I can give more?  Where I can be used best? Sometimes I write these things, more out of ritual (every solstice, every equinox, blah, blah, blah) than inspiration, but right now my mind is blank. I have to leave a trail of crumbs. Not that I plan on trying to find my way back, but to see how far up the mountain I've climbed.

      It's now been one year after graduation.  I've achieved a big goal, but where now?  That's been my goal for so long that I haven't known any other goal.  Climb the corporate ladder? (yuck...)  Finally learn music?  Learn how to become a good, supportive husband?  (hey....)   What about after that?  Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.  There's plenty to do for right now.  And so the pull of God and my selfish heart continue to go at war.  Maybe, just maybe, my heart is losing more often.

   Jeff Holland
 
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